At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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