I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
