Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
