my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
