"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
