Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
