He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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