Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize