what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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