From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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