And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
