Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
