next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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