I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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