He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
