Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
