Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
