If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
