a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
