I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
