road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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