My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize