Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
