yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
