Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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