nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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