I CAN MOONWALK!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
