god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
