I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just pee around me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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