so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish I only lived at night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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