Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
