She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
