god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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