I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
