Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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