I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
