i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i think i just lost a toe
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
