all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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