I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
