You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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