I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
