LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
don't judge my taste in strippers
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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