oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
