hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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