If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
