He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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