When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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