I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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