Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
