dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
