franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
