I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
