Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
