Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
