Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
