First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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