I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
