i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
