mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
