Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
