Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
