I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
